J-Lo Mixes Sexy Disco With Over-Slick Pop on World Tour: Review

Jennifer Lopezs Dance Again concerts promise sparkle. They deliver stodge.

J-Lo, as she is best known, is on her first world tour at 43. Shes been playing in the U.K. where her curves have been the star of every show shes done.

Theres also an army of dancers that includes her current boyfriend, 25-year-old Casper Smart. Of the clunky pop music, the least said, the better. Her vocals, a little on the shrill side, are satisfactory, not show-stopping.

Consider yourselves warned if you live in continental Europe, where J-Lo heads next. After that, shes off to Asia and Australia.

Lopez possesses whats said to be the most revered bottom in the world, with many urban myths about how much its insured for. Her prime asset is unashamedly exploited onstage.

A large portion of her hit Im Into You is sung with her back to the audience, the renowned backside smack in the spotlight. Background video graphics regularly linger in the same area.

That alone isnt enough to explain J-Los success. Shes a Hollywood actress, a judge on American Idol, has her own range of perfumes and sold more than 70 million records. She maintains an astute portfolio of liaisons with international brands, in fashion and beyond. On her website, brand-heavy pages devoted to Style + Beauty and Body + Mind have equal footing to those devoted to her music.

Body Worship

Her dancers lithe Latin routines require them to unashamedly worship her body, clad in a succession of tight glittering outfits.

The glamorous photos in the tour program, the diamond painted on the stage curtain and the video sequence of luxury goods that accompanies Love Dont Cost a Thing suggest dazzling entertainment. Instead, we get cheap and hackneyed staging: not much more than a flight of steps that sometimes light up, like a 1970s light-entertainment television sho! w set.

The choreography, bar a brief salsa blast for Lets Get Loud, lacks set-piece spectaculars. We get Broadway-on-a- budget chorus lines and dubious hip hop gymnastics.

All would be forgotten if the music was up to scratch. The paltry 90 minutes of the show (encores included) suggests that Lopez could use a few songs with real depth. Her onstage chatter is inane.

Sloppy Smoochy

When Lopez first came to pop prominence, hip-hop and R&B dominated the U.S.; a slick groove and a hollered hook were key components of chart success. She jumped on the bandwagon. With 10 years perspective, 2002s Jenny From the Block sounds generic and uninspired. The 1999 debut single If You Had My Love, played as an acoustic ballad, is sloppy rather than smoochy, as if ones innamorata had passed out from boredom and was dribbling on ones shoulder.

Other songs explore the euro-dance sound. Waiting for Tonight bumps along like a 2 Unlimited classic demented with a determination to take itself seriously.

On the Floor is a hellish mash of blunt dance beats, with Llorando Se Fue (infamously known as the Lambada) fused with second-hand lyrical cliches about generic party people who -- no great surprise there -- are in da club.

Lopez is clearly a celebrity with considerable business acumen. This is a truly poor show.

Rating: *.

The Jennifer Lopez tour has moved to continental Europe after gigs in the U.K. She plays Stockholm tonight, followed by concerts in Finland, Russia, Ukraine, Turkey, Bulgaria and Serbia. Shows later this year are in Dubai, China, Indonesia, the Philippines, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia and Puerto Rico. Information: http://jenniferlopez.com/blog/post/on-tour

What the Stars Mean:***** Fantastic**** Excellent*** Very Good** Good* Poor(No stars) Avoid

(Robert Heller is a music critic for Muse, the arts and leisure section of Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are his own.)

Muse highlights include Elin McCoy on wine and Catherine Hickley on art.

To contact the writer on the story: Robert Heller in London at roberthelleruk@yahoo.co.uk

To contact the editor responsible for this story: Manuela Hoelterhoff at mhoelterhoff@bloomberg.net.

Jennifer Lopez on stage at Ahoy in Rotterdam, Netherlands. J-Lo is on her first world tour, "Dance Again," at the age of 43. Photographer: Rob Verhorst/WireImage via Bloomberg

J-Lo sings onstage in her "Dance Again" world tour. She has moved from the U.K. and will now perform in Sweden, Finland, Russia, Ukraine, Turkey, Bulgaria, Serbia and more before traveling to Asia. Photographer: Rob Verhorst/WireImage via Bloomberg